There I Stood

In the waiting room at ICU at Presbyterian hosptial. Not the place that I expected to find myself this morning. Father, it says your mercies are new every morning. Why am I standing here in this hospital with this family this morning. What is good about this? Where are you at in this? I don't get it. She was a mother of four, and a Godly woman. Two of her kids were at camp that week with their church. He came home Monday night to find her lying in the yard, collapsed from a vessel bursting in her brain. Flew her to the hospital. One of the most Godly and righteous families I know. But here she was, uncouncious for several days now. They didn't know if she would make her way out of it. Probably not. I stood back and watched the family and friends interact. Support each other, lift each other up. I was a part of this awesome net of prayer lifting this woman and her family up and laying them before the throne. If they could have cut a hole in the roof, and lowered her down, they would do whatever it took. Still, I wonder. Why did this happen. What did these people do to deserve this? How will I know this will not happen to me? What if it did? I could not handle it. I am ashamed to say that my thoughts turned selfish for those few moments but they did.

As I stood and talked to him, I saw the pain in his eyes. I saw the tears, and the sleepless nights etched on his face. Father, what can I do, how can I help, what do I say? My heart moved, I began to cry with him. That was all I could do. Share in his tears, be moved for him in my heart. Father, is this what you do for us? At this time, I was closer to him than I had ever been, I took a piece of him with me as I left, for my heart still hurt for him. As I stood and watched him go back and be with his family, the Lord began to show me. A hug here. A pat on the back there. A tear shed, a verse shared. Out of this great tragedy this magnificent picture of Christ arose to me. When we are in pain, we are closer to God than we have ever been before. Death and dissapointment tend to blind us to the very presence of God. But that family is closer to God than ever. Christ must be their everything because they cannot do it on their own.

Father, I don't know why this happend. I don't get it. But I thank you that you were there to answer their hearts cry. When we have prayed all our prayers, and all we can do is weep, I thank you that you hear and know our tears. I must be honest Lord, I am fearful of that happening to me. But I long to lean on you with everything that I have. Take me to places where I must lean on you for everything. I don't want to get by on what I can offer, because that is nothing. My heart is with that family this morning, and I do not know what the future holds. But I know that I trust you Father. That is the cry of my hearts deepest place for this family. That they would trust you. That you would fulfill your plan in perfect time. Give them peace that people don't get, help them to be calm in the midst of the storm. Father, I know that even when the storm rages, there is a rest for me. If I can take their pain and bear it for them, Father I would. Thank you, Lord, in advance, for all the miraculous things you will do, and are doing, in this family's life. I love you.Father, help me to lean on you today.

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